What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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